


Beach

by FandomFanficsGalore



Category: 19天 - Old先 | 19 Days - Old Xian
Genre: Drinking, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Kisses, M/M, Tianshan - Freeform, Zhanyi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-18
Updated: 2018-07-18
Packaged: 2019-06-12 16:10:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,022
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15343563
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FandomFanficsGalore/pseuds/FandomFanficsGalore
Summary: From tumblrThe boys visit He Tian's family lake cabin, and Mo Guan Shan struggles with his feelings for He Tian.





	1. Chapter 1

* * *

 

 

 

Guan Shan had no idea why he was here. Cool night air chilled his bare skin, making goosebumps ripple across his skin, and seawater sprayed against his ankles every so often. He wore only his swimming trunks, while the other two idiots had abandoned all their clothing. Zhan Zheng Xi and Jian Yi were a few yards out to the left, drifting closer and closer every time Guan Shan glanced over. He tried to keep his eyes off them.

The stench of a cigarette met his nostrils, and he didn’t turn as the sand shifted next to his feet and He Tian stopped at his side.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw that He Tian had abandoned his shirt and pants, as well, and remained in simple black swimming trunks. They fit him snugly, a fact that Mo Guan Shan cursed himself for noticing.

“Not going for a dip?” He Tian asked, a teasing lilt on his lips.

Mo Guan Shan shook his head.

“It’s too damn cold.”

He Tian shrugged.

“Probably warmer in the water.”

Guan Shan didn’t deign that with a response. Instead, he glared at the small white cigarette between He Tian’s lips.

“You’re not supposed to smoke out here.”

He Tian grinned. He took the cigarette from his lips and leaned close. His dark eyes glowed in the faint light from the full moon, his skin appearing smoother and paler. He looked otherworldly at night. Like an animal–dangerous. Preying.

“Who’s gonna stop me?” he murmured.

Smoke-stenched breath fanned Guan Shan’s face and his nose crinkled as he shoved He Tian’s shoulder.

He Tian pulled away with a short laugh. As Guan Shan watched, he took a last drag before dropping his cigarette, snuffing it in the waves lapping at their feet.

Mo Guan Shan’s lips parted to tell him not to litter before, suddenly, warm hands found his back and legs. Shock and arousal shot through him, but before Guan Shan could shout, he was launched through the air, and just had enough time to gasp a breath of air before going under.

Salt water filled his nose and the warm water shocked his system. Guan Shan flailed and swam to the top, gasping as his nose burned.

“Fuck!”

He sneezed, hearing laughter from far off. He heard a deep chuckle from nearby and turned to see He Tian had jumped in with him. His dark hair clung to his face, and his eyes buried into Guan Shan’s.

“Fuck you, asshole,” Guan Shan spat.

He Tian grinned and swam closer.

Guan Shan couldn’t stand, the sand just barely touching his toes, so he tried his best to wade in place. He couldn’t get away before He Tian was inches from him.

Air escaped Guan Shan, and he couldn’t breathe again. He Tian hovered over him as they drifted. The air was electric. All Guan Shan was aware of was the steady lap of the waves and the buzz within the small space between He Tian’s near-naked body and his. He Tian’s eyes dropped to Guan Shan’s lips, and Guan Shan’s breath caught.

He Tian drifted closer. A warm hand found Mo Guan Shan’s hip and he let out a small, choked noise that barely sounded like him.

He Tian’s eyes flickered up to his. Guan Shan’s heart thudded against his ribcage. His body sang from where He Tian’s hand lay, but neither moved more. The waves continued, occasionally rocking their bodies closer.

He Tian tilted his head, his lips right beside Guan Shan’s ear.

“I think they’re having sex over there.”

Guan Shan’s eyebrows shot up before he scowled.

“Don’t be gross,” he snapped, shoving at He Tian’s shoulder. The damp, warm skin caught him by surprise, and his hand remained where it was.

He Tian’s grin faded a little into a soft, rare smile that made heat rise up Guan Shan’s neck.

“Can you stand here?” He Tian asked.

Mo Guan Shan glowered, his cheeks flushing.

“Shut up.”

He Tian didn’t respond. His other hand found Guan Shan’s hip and, thanks to the water, easily lifted Guan Shan up, giving him no choice but to wrap his legs around He Tian’s waist. His legs automatically did so before his face flushed dark.

Guan Shan swallowed thickly, sinking a little into the water until it was up to his chin. All the while He Tian watched him, oddly silent, watching.

“Are you scared of me?” he asked.

A smart-ass response bit at Guan Shan’s tongue, but the serious look in He Tian’s eyes caught him off guard.

He paused.

“No.”

Guan Shan was terrified at the fact that it was true. He wasn’t afraid of He Tian–which scared him more.

He Tian seemed to understand. They drifted for a while, bare skin brushing beneath the water, like a secret. A few times He Tian’s fingers shifted, seeking, but Mo Guan Shan said nothing even as a tremble raced down his spine. He had no idea where the other two were, and he didn’t care. All he could feel was He Tian’s skin at every point it touched his, and hear the waves and He Tian’s gentle breaths.

Like this, He Tian was no less dangerous, but he was… comforting. Like the danger wasn’t for Guan Shan, but because of him. He felt inexplicably safe here.

Then, out of nowhere, He Tian leaned in. Their lips brushed, chapped and wet, and a gasp fell from Guan Shan’s lips. Unable to resist, He Tian’s tongue flickered out and he deepened the kiss. A noise escaped Guan Shan and he pushed away again, turning his head. He wanted to loose his legs, but they were too far out now, and He Tian had such a strong grip on his waist that there would be no use in trying.

He Tian watched him as Guan Shan avoided his eyes, his lips still burning. He licked them, and out of the corner of his eye, saw He Tian watch his tongue.

He looked like he wanted to say something, but for a long time was silent. Guan Shan was thankful as he tried to sort his scrambled thoughts.

“Fine, then,” He Tian said finally, making Guan Shan look at him, “We can stay like this.”

There was no anger in his voice; only fact. Reasoning.

He watched Guan Shan so carefully.

Guan Shan licked his lips again.

“For now,” he found himself whispering, “Just like this.”

He Tian watched him. Then he nodded, and gave that faint, teasing smile.

Together they drifted, tangled together in peaceful silence under the darkened sky, just like a secret.

 

* * *

 


	2. Chapter 2

* * *

 

 

 

They all trekked back up to the cabin in relative silence. Jian Yi blurted out randomly, his arm slung over Zhan Zheng Xi’s shoulder. Thankfully they’d both slipped their shorts back on. He Tian, too, was quiet, besides chuckling occasionally at something Jian Yi said. Mo Guan Shan could feel the man’s eyes on him, but ignored them.

As soon as they stepped into the cabin, Zhan and Jian Yi tossed them a goodnight and headed for their room, Zhan wrapping an arm around Jian Yi’s waist as they disappeared.

He Tian flicked on the rest of the lights and Mo Guan Shan made his way to the kitchen after dropping his things on the couch.

“Want a beer?” he called behind him, leaning down to grab two from the fridge just in case. Mo straightened and turned around and jumped. He Tian stood inches from him, a small smirk dancing on his face. He held out a hand for the beer. Mo Guan Shan gave him a light glare, grudgingly handing it over.

In silence, they went back to the living room and plopped down on the couch, still in only their shorts. Mo Guan Shan knew he should shower, but he was too tired. Besides, he could already hear noises from the other room, the one that was right next to his, so there was no point in trying to go to sleep right now, anyway.

He Tian sat in silence, sipping his beer, and Mo Guan Shan began to shift. The electricity in the air between them remained, but now awkwardness had seeped there, as well. Mo’s body still sung from being so close to He Tian, his skin dancing.

His mind wandered, but he could feel He Tian’s eyes on him every so often and he bit his lip.

“What?” he barked, finally turning. He Tian met his eyes. He raised an eyebrow. Mo Guan Shan faltered a bit before pushing on, “What do you want?”

The question wasn’t supposed to come out as heavy as it did, but something shifted in He Tian’s eyes, and Mo Guan Shan’s stomach dropped. He wasn’t ready for the answer to that question–not really. Something in He Tian’s face told him that He Tian knew that, too.

“…You know what I want.” A small smirk tugged at He Tian’s lips, but it was hollow.

No I don’t, danced at the tip of Guan Shan’s tongue, but he bit it back. Because asking would mean he cared. Asking would be requesting an answer that Guan Shan didn’t want–not yet, at least.

So instead Guan Shan stood, shaking away his nerves.

“Another beer,” he muttered, though his was still half full. He left without waiting for a response. When he reached the kitchen, he grabbed another beer and set it on the counter, starting to chug the other one. Seconds later, unsurprising, He Tian joined him. He, a also, had finished his beer, and squeezed behind Mo Guan Shan and the island to grab another. Their hips bumped and Guan Shan took in a sharp breath, stepping away.

He Tian paused, grabbed a beer, and turned to him. Those dark eyes met Guan Shan’s, and Guan Shan tried to look away, but they just pulled him back in.

“When?” He Tian asked.

Guan Shan frowned at him.

He Tian took a small step forward and Guan Shan stiffened. He Tian halted.

“You said ‘for now’,” He Tian stated, and Guan Shan’s cheeks flushed, “When–”

“I–just stop,” Guan Shan muttered, turning away. He could feel He Tian at his back–he could feel the inches of distance between them. The air around them was damp and warm from the swim, and it was slightly suffocating. Guan Shan ran his fingers through his hair.

“You said you weren’t afraid of me.”

“I’m not,” Guan Shan bit.

“Then what is it?”

Guan Shan squeezed his eyes shut. He wanted He Tian to just disappear. Part of him wished he had never come here, but the majority of him was filled with regret. Why did he have to be like this? His walls were so high up, so strong, and every time He Tian chipped away at them, his heart scrambled to put it back together even when the rest of him begged for them to come down. The rational part of him wondered why. Why He Tian, of all people? Was this guy really the kind of person he should allow in? Despite everything?

He Tian shifted, leaning his hip against the counter next to Mo Guan Shan so he could see his face. Mo Guan Shan wasn’t sure what he saw, but felt himself tense.

“What is it?” He Tian repeated.

Guan Shan’s mouth was dry. He parted his lips, but words didn’t come. He stared at the island, tracing the grooves in the wood to avoid the penetrating stare burying into the side of his face.

“I can’t,” Guan Shan found himself whispering.

“Why?” He Tian demanded, unrelenting.

Mo Guan Shan cursed and turned to him.

“Because I don’t know!” he snapped, “I don’t know what you want, and I don’t–” I don’t want to. The unsaid words hung between them for a moment. He Tian stared at him, his expression indiscernible as always.

“I’ve made it obvious,” He Tian stated.

Mo Guan Shan shook his head.

“Not everything.”

He Tian’s eyes darkened and he shot forward. Before Mo Guan Shan could react, He Tian’s lips were on his for the second time tonight. They tasted of cigarettes and salt, and pressed against Guan Shan’s unrelentingly. Guan Shan didn’t react, but didn’t pull away. He stood frozen, his mind halting. All it focused on was He Tian’s lips on his. Then hands once again found his hips and Mo Guan Shan’s lower back bumped against the island. Breath caught in his chest. He Tian tilted his head, shifting his lips, begging for a response. Trembling, Mo Guan Shan parted his lips a tiny bit. It seemed to be enough because He Tian pressed forward, tugging Guan Shan’s bottom lip with his own. Guan Shan slowly returned the kiss, shy and timid. He Tian’s mouth softened in response, and his thumb smoothed over Guan Shan’s bare hip.

It was all too much for Guan Shan and he pulled away with a gasp, turning his head aside. He squeezed his eyes shut, waiting for the angry shouts, maybe a shove or even a punch. Nothing came.

Slowly he opened his eyes, glancing over at He Tian. He Tian watched him, a soft, open expression on his face that made Guan Shan’s chest twist.

“That’s what I want,” He Tian said.

Mo Guan Shan frowned.

“What–”

“Everything.”

Mo Guan Shan stiffened from head to toe. His spine trembled. Just the idea–the possibility–made his mind feel numb. To give himself over completely… if He Tian only knew him, really knew him, knew all of him–He Tian wouldn’t be asking something like this. But He Tian’s dark stare was fixed on his face, determined, unwavering, and Mo Guan Shan found himself unable to speak any of that. Instead–

“I can’t give you that.”

He Tian finally looked away, but didn’t move back. His body radiated warmth, and his hands were like hot brands on Guan Shan’s hips before they finally fell away.

“I know,” he said, turning back to Guan Shan, “but I’ll take what you can give me. Until you can.”

Mo Guan Shan’s eyes stung, but he forced them back, biting his lip hard.

“What if I never can?” he whispered.

He Tian shrugged.

“I’ll take what you want to give me,” he repeated.

“But why?” Mo Guan Shan choked out.

He Tian met his eyes and shook his head. Mo Guan Shan’s heart fell as he understood. He Tian couldn’t give him that answer, just like Mo Guan Shan couldn’t give him what he wanted. Not now. Maybe not ever. Or maybe just because, like everything else, Mo Guan Shan wasn’t ready for it.

He cursed himself. Guan Shan felt like such a child–so helpless. He hated it. He should be able to just take what he wanted without thinking about it. Because if he was being honest, he wanted whatever He Tian was offering. But his walls stopped him–made him second guess himself. Even with something as simple as He Tian’s body. Guan Shan didn’t doubt that He Tian would take him if Guan Shan offered himself. And Guan Shan wanted to. God, did he want to.

But every time they came close, alarms rang in his head and stopped him from going too far.

His mind flashed to Jian Yi and Zhan Zheng Xi. How many years had it taken them to finally settle the weirdness between them? When did it suddenly jump from being awkward around each other to clinging to each other as the skinny dipped, before going to bed together and keeping everyone else up at night?

It hadn’t happened in a heartbeat, Guan Shan knew that. It had taken forever, until everyone else was sick of them dancing around each other.

Now Guan Shan found himself in that position, and he didn’t know what to do. He Tian was ready now, but he wasn’t. In a rare moment, he found himself wanting to seek Zheng Xi for advice. What was it like when the other one was so willing, but you were still so unsure?

He Tian was still watching him, but finally pulled away.

Mo Guan Shan’s hand shot out and grabbed his arm. He Tian’s eyes met his in surprise. Heat crawled up Guan Shan’s neck and he shook it away.

“I want…” he paused, his tongue heavy in his mouth, “Just… let’s go to bed.”

He Tian observed him for a long moment, making Guan Shan’s walls pull up a little, before he finally nodded with a small smile that made them crumble all over again. He Tian lead the way to one of the guest bedrooms–his, further away from Jian Yi and Zheng XI’s. Guan Shan slipped inside and He Tian closed the door behind him. Mo Guan Shan kept his back turned as He Tian slid out of his shorts and into a pair of boxers. He tossed Guan Shan a pair of his, catching him off guard. After a moment, Guan Shan turned around and pushed his shorts off his hips. The feeling of eyes on him made his skin ripple, and he stepped into the boxers and yanked them up.

When he turned, He Tian had already set their drinks on the side table and climbed into bed. Mo Guan Shan hesitated only half a second before joining him, crawling beneath the covers. He lay with his back to He Tian, staring into the darkness. Soon the bed shifted and an arm wound around him. Mo Guan Shan closed his eyes even as his body tensed. He Tian remained still, his bare chest pressed against Guan Shan’s back. Slowly Guan Shan relaxed back into him with a small sigh.

He listened to He Tian’s steady breathing as it slowly deepened, his arm becoming heavy around him. Like this, Guan Shan’s fingers slowly crept down He Tian’s arm to slide between his own. There was no response from the sleeping man and Guan Shan relaxed, driving off to sleep with their fingers still loosely, shyly intertwined.

 

* * *

 


End file.
